Municipal Obstruction Academy Graduate
Speed Bump
Built to slow traffic. Currently supervising low-altitude flight.
Lifetime Training
Speed Bump enrolled at Municipal Obstruction Academy before he was fully painted. He studied axle theory, defensive posture, and the ancient discipline of staying exactly where assigned. Graduation brought a permanent lane, two fresh stripes, and one simple duty: make traffic slow down. The first hatchback cleared him completely. So did the van, the taxi, and a municipal sweeper carrying his annual paint.
To The Highway
Dear Highway, I have maintained regulation posture through rain, resurfacing, and three separate detours. My paint remains visible. My fastening remains exemplary. Yet the cars now approach with unusual confidence, compress once, and depart several feet above my professional jurisdiction. Please advise whether gravity has changed departments. Until then, I will continue reporting at dawn and obstructing the space directly beneath them.
Core Competencies
Three qualifications, none currently recognized by airborne vehicles.
- Regulation HeightTall enough for paperwork, apparently not tall enough for traffic.
- Immovable FocusHe has never abandoned a lane, including during resurfacing.
- Soft ImpactEvery landing happens elsewhere, safely outside his job description.
Wish You Would Brake
Training camp is lovely. Yesterday a delivery van cleared me without touching either stripe. I received full marks for remaining underneath it.
Speed Bump
Speed Bump reports again at dawn.